I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
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I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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