mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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