shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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