Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
you never un-have a 4some
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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