We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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