You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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