This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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