sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
