I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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