You smell like a Billy Joel song
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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