smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
