Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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