We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
