Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
