Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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