the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just blew my weed a kiss
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
