this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
