fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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