my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
