i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
