I wish I could punch you in the face.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
