There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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