her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
