is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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