you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
