i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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