I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
