Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Michael Bay diarrhea
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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