your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
