Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
