I hate all girls vehemently.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
