I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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