I want to walk on stilts...naked
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
