I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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