Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
