oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
