life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
