im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
