You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
