i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
