if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
