You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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