I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
