I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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