Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
