Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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