I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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