Already got asked if we're dating
Will you blow on my dice?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
