I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
