It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
someone get that fucking seahorse.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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