He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
