So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
