I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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