I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
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He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
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what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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