This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
