I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
