I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
