Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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