My liver just broke up with me...
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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