shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
