i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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