Tell her she can't have a vagina
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
