drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
