i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
