This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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