He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
