How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
